Is a sexless marriage or sexless relationship inevitable? Sort of? It all depends.
Every relationship can go through dry spells when your partner is suddenly less interested in sex than you. It may a short-term problem related to stress at work or other issues that have driven your partner to distraction. Even more commonly, a sudden, hectic schedule—ranging from end-of-year exams to a do-or-die work deadline—can leave your partner exhausted and uninterested in anything more than sleep or a night in front of the TV.
The man went on to unpack more of his marital history. He told me that the marriage had started off well and in the early stages of their relationship there had been a healthy sex life. Both spouses seemed satisfied by the level of frequency and intimacy in their bedroom.
Physical intimacy is what makes a relationship more than just a platonic friendship. Some couples fall into a negative pattern or habit of letting the physical part of the marriage fall by the wayside. There is a "normal" drop off within the first few years of marriage, particularly after kids come into the picture. But, to let it dry up completely is often a major marital problem that must be addressed.
It takes both of you to make it work and it is mutually beneficial for both parities. The Bible pretty much says that married folks should be having sex and lots of it. No, really it says that the only time to refrain from sex is for a period of time for fasting and praying and that is only for a period of time, otherwise the devil will use that to keep you apart.
I feel a need to address both women and men on this matter, because it DOES matter. Both feel very strongly about this part of their marriage. But it also addresses what it is like for the man to be refused.
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Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.